Clumsy LighTing

it's really difficult.
knowing that you yourself can't stand someone but need to do so to avoid complications in life.
and it's especially difficult if that someone is someone close to you.
and that if you keep poking that person, u'll disrupt the harmonious atmosphere in the circle.
and that if you can't control the urge to take action, u'll dig your own grave in a very undignified way.

i'm now working hard on being indifferent when it comes to this person. coz i don't know what else i could do about my reactions when it involves her. yeah...it's that serious.

i don't wanna make the life of the people i care difficult by going against her anytime at all.
but i really cannot stand it when she does something that really pushes my buttons.
and it really tests my patience, tolerance and determination to not respond to her actions and words.

and yes....often times....i lose it. my endurance and resolve.
and then i end up getting piercing stares and invisible arrows all around.
and then i destroy the atmosphere.
and then i make the people i care embarrassed and angry.
though i tell you....most of the time.....i'm right. [at least i think i am right most of the times]

and here i am....a psychology student.
someone who's theoretically capable of controlling their own buttons.
someone who, theoretically, can control their behaviours.
someone who, theoretically, is capable of regulating their emotions.
someone who, theoretically, can communicate appropriately.

well...evidently......i still have a lot to learn.
and yes...this is a golden opportunity for learning.
but damn i really hate this class.

i need a new perspective to look at this situation. and i need coping strategies. and communication lessons.

right now....the only resolution i can think of for this situation is endure, endure and endure.
whatever she says or does, i'll pretend i didn't notice them.
and if i have any opinions at all, i'll swallow it.

and actually...i'm glad that i'm having a busy week =)

i seriously need emotional management right this moment. well actually...it's more to anger management.

right after this afternoon's paper...knowing that i didn't do as well as i expect i would [my fault really], i went into a depressed mood. no energy. zombie-fied.

even after knowing the fact that i did well for both my assignments did not lift the gloomy cloud hovering above my head.

then came home to a couple of stressors that i seriously wanted to avoid. they're not major. they're actually minor minor trivial stuff. but i got angry nonetheless.

i'm very very thankful to considerations from my family. thank you so so much. god knows i was gonna blow up any second.

well actually...the stress had been building up since this afternoon. don't ask me what or why. let's just say i was storing up something that i should let out but couldn't.
[if i don't do sth about my coping methods...i seriously think i might develop cardiovascular disease someday =.=]

and just a few moments ago...i received some unpleasant but not upsetting news. nothing much really. but i'm going to miss my lil cousin's first ever birthday celebration party because i'm gonna be on a trip with my friends.

to be honest, i only feel regret. no anger, frustration nor sadness whatsoever. oh well...since it's inevitable...no point dwelling, moping and emo-ing about it right?????

but what was super annoying and super angering and super stupid move by some people is......they go and provoke me by saying stuff that sure got me angry now. WTH.

i don't care spit about lunch at Tenji.
i'm not upset about not being there at my lil couz's first ever birthday celebration. though it would've been nice if i could. i totally understand the circumstances and accept it and that's the end of it.

what's with the "u won't like this" and "oh....u'll miss eating sth good"  people???

just let me know what'll happen and that's enough lar!!

whether i whine....i complain....i sulk....i cry or i scream for the lack of opportunity.....it's my damn business!

what the heck.

really......it's really stupid i tell you.

i wasn't even feeling angry nor fired up but now i am.
and i still have to study for my final paper. WTH.

p.s. now i feel better

today is the last day of my 1st semester of my 3rd year.

had my last presentation ever for the semester. had my last class ever for the semester.

i feel happy that it's over.
i feel sad and reluctant that it's over.

this was a packed semester for me, yes. not mentioning stressful.
but i really enjoyed the whole process. especially with the subjects that i hold dear.

jz when i started to get comfortable with all the demands of the semester, it's coming to an end.
i regret that this feeling didn't come sooner. i regret that i didn't prepare myself well for the ending.
now i'm really experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

of course there's trials and tribulations, challenges and dissatisfactions. but compared to the times when we work hard together, the times we chat happily about random stuff while doing projects, and the sense of accomplishment after all is over, they just disappear to dust.

i'll miss this semester the most. i'll miss the group projects, my group mates, course mates, tutor, and lecturers.
i'll miss the learning experience in class. i'll miss lecturers' voice, words, tone, facial expression, and their quirkiness.

i wish it wouldn't end so soon. i wish time would pass more slowly for this semester so i could savour every moment.but all the while, i was also looking forward to the end coz i like to know how i fare in what i do, to know that i don't have to worry about it anymore.

anyway, the semester is coming to an end. my years as an undergraduate is moving towards the end.
as much as i don't like it, as much as i'm worried about it, as much as i'm prepared for it, time flys by real quick and i won't be an undergraduate no more.


if i could go through these 3 months again, i would.

looking forward to this sunday.

yes! finally!

let's eat yummy yummy stuff. i want ice-cream, char siew fan......etc etc.
let's sing K!!

most importantly...let's CHAT!!!

p.s. G Ma...u still owe us one meal eh? We don't mind shopping groceries for you ^^ if you want...i can help out with the cooking also =p

또 드라마 봤어..
바빴어 지만

근데...후회 없다

노래 좋은데
배우 멋진데

너무 좋았어 말할 수 없지만
이 드라마는 괜찮은데

비록 가끔 슬프게
특별히 그들을 생각나게

[ignore me when i type korean]
****************************


the aftermath of watching korean drama and variety shows almost non-stop.
the urge to speak korean is bursting. happens all the time whenever i watch foreign language shows.
and that is when i wish i'm fluent in all those languages... =.="

anyway...watched another Kdrama again. yep......self-sabotaging, escaping and looking for distraction yet again.
and also...i was curious of HongKi's acting, Jang Geun Suk's singing, Park Shin Hye's boy-disguise, JiHoo sunbae #2 and the couple combinations.

the drama was so-so. the songs were nice though. and the actors were quite cool (although their acting wasn't spectacular)

watching HongKi in that happy-go-lucky and dumb dumb personality is quite funny.
Jang Geun Suk too. the way he speaks is so unlike how he really speaks is kinda amusing.
both of them kinda reminds me of HeeChul though. hmm...i wonder if they incorporated some of his antics into their acting? [haha...perasannya]
and it was nice seeing Park Shin Hye in a different role.
JiHoo sunbae #2...erm...got certain similarities but not quite there lar.

it doesn't really reflect life of an idol group lar. in fact...i think it's totally off. i wonder what HongKi thinks when he was filming the drama.
still...it's just a drama.

anyway...it was a good distraction.
another drama off the list ^^
not sure if there'll be more though...i sure hope not. FINALS is in 2 weeks time...@.@

The Renaissance ideal

The leading thinkers of the Renaissance were not just experts in their own field. The renaissance scholar was expected to master all branches of knowledge.

With his insatiable desire to know everything, Leonardo da Vinci is often held up as the ideal Renaissance man.

You are an Interpersonal Thinker
		Interpersonal thinkers: Like to think about other people, and try to understand them Recognise differences between individuals and appreciate that different people have different perspectives Make an effort to cultivate effective relationships with family, friends and colleagues
Like interpersonal thinkers, Leonardo had lots of friends and contacts, and was a popular figure at the Italian court.		Other Interpersonal thinkers include Winston Churchill, Mother Teresa, William Shakespeare Careers which suit Interpersonal thinkers include Politician, Psychologist, Nurse, Counsellor, Teacher

THAT day...

so...i woke up feeling fired up for the day and reached college quite early.

due to some technical problem with mail service...turned out we weren't confirmed  for workshop that morning. no one's fault really.

anyway...i wanted to go home to sleep some more. but decided to stay coz i had no confidence in my preparedness for the seminar. so i wanted to practice.

had breakfast with friends...chat some. daydreamed some. worried a lot.

after that..i hung out with the other seminar group who's presenting on the same day with us. in between...i took a few winks coz i was really sleepy and was feeling the beginning of the onset of headache.

for lunch...had a long queue with WKien. practiced a bit for the seminar...then lunch....then practice one last time some more.

after some discussion with the other group...we decided to switch the order of presentation. and i'm glad. i'm really really glad we did that. coz i really dislike being the last group ever.

so...how did our seminar go?
it was okay. but not good enough. we were off track on the true purpose of the topic. our presentation wasn't clear enough. some of the content we presented weren't suitable. some of the suggestions wasn't scientifically strong enough to be suggested. time allocation for certain subtopics were inadequate. oh....and we lack critical analysis [something i'm aware of since the beginning but overlooked anyway. what the heck are you doing, NLT?].

all is not lost however...
we had a good gauge of what fast food is. we had a strong main journal. we did well on conducting a survey about HUC's student's attitude towards fast food, which makes it a strong basis for our campaign. and......oops...no more.

Can we reduce FAST FOOD consumption in Malaysia?
the answer should be yes.
instead of focusing on fast food as the big bad wolf totally, we should've focused on distinguishing healthy fast food vs. unhealthy fast food, i.e. western fast food vs. local hawker food.
instead of focusing how to eat fast food healthily without all the chicken skin and mayo, we should've put our effort on creating awareness that the audience have choices all around them.
instead of mentioning our survey in passing, we should've delved more about it and made it to our advantage.

and yes. Local Hawker Food like nasi lemak, roti canai, wan tan mee, chee cheong fun....they're all FAST FOOD. it's just that they're comparatively more healthy than Western-Franchised fast food like McD, KFC, Pizza Hut, etc.

you don't believe? search for the definition of Fast Food in Malaysia. especially one by a Malaysian nutritionist, Tee something. [i'm too lazy to put the definition here for now. if i'm in the mood, i might post sth about fast food in Malaysia someday.]

so...was i traumatized? not really.
it was a valuable learning experience. and i realized that i'm starting to not take criticism personally =)
a couple of things though...i wish i was more of a planner and more firm.

and now we have the campaign left. i hope we will manage it well. i hope we accomplish what Dr. H wants us to do.